The first time I placed a bet on the Melbourne Cup, with a couple of dollars from my parents, it ended in tears.
It was 1979 and that small lump sum seemed a life-time commitment to an eight-year-old. One of the bets was placed on Hyperno, the unpredictable, some say mad, gelding that, luckily enough, won that day.
But despite the windfall, there was little celebrating. The other bet had been on Dulcify. The race favourite, which had captured the hearts of racegoers with its Cox Plate and McKinnon Stakes wins, fractured its pelvis and was pulled up before the straight.
To this day I can recall the shock and sadness I felt the moment it was announced that Dulcify had broken down. I cried that night. It's strange the things that remain in your memory.
It did not deter future bets on the big day however, and like many I grew up to enjoy a day at the races. But as I took time out from the sticky and, in those days, hazy surrounds of the drinking and betting areas to go trackside, my attention remained on the fate of the participants.
The sight and breathtaking sound of a pack of horses pounding past was intoxicating but after the flash of the leaders, inevitably there would be the sad sight of stragglers being jogged to the finishing post by their merciful jockeys.
At least, the poor creatures were seemingly shown some compassion and were not flogged out of their hides, but it was hard not to wonder whether their journeys would end not at their familiar stables but at the nearest knackery.
It is for this reason that I will no longer join the throngs of spring carnival faithful at the mighty triumvirate of race courses in Melbourne. There will be no bets placed this Tuesday nor any money volunteered towards an office sweepstake.
Much to the chagrin of the crusted-on, race-going community, footage was released by the Coalition for the Protection of Racehorses (CPR) in 2012 that reportedly showed graphic images of unwanted thoroughbreds being shot and their carcasses prepared for pet food - a video that educated the public about what is colloquially known as "wastage".
Soon people were looking with disgust at an entire industry and asking whether animals should be treated as disposable in order to provide entertainment.
Two years on, it is disappointing that the warring parties are still so far apart. Both the racing authorities and the Coalition for the Protection of Racehorses throw around statistics and claims that are misleading or cannot be proved.
It was a point conceded by Australian Racing Board chief executive Peter McGauran during the week.
"The racing industry has not been nearly good enough in the past in scientifically assembling the figures and data to allow the public to make an informed decision," McGauran said. "Without the necessary statistical rigour and accuracy, an emotive debate characterised by distortion and exaggeration has filed the vacuum."
Both McGauran and a spokesman for Racing Victoria pointed to a University of Sydney study conducted by Ariella Hayek in 2004 which they claim shows only 650 thoroughbreds each year ended up at the knackery.
What they do not highlight is that the report clearly states that the 650 figure was likely to be a "substantial underestimate" because it comprised "only those horses officially registered" and therefore excluded horses that never made it to the track.
It also does not take into account horses that go to other destinations, to saleyards, studs and hobby riders, and then subsequently enter slaughterhouses, a significant number according to both the Hayek report, and a University of Queensland study in 2008 led by Amanda Doughty.
When this was pointed out to McGauran, who also claimed recent surveys by racing authorities of retired thoroughbred race horses showed less than one percent went to the knackery, he replied: "Yeah, fair point."
The racing industry argues that it has taken measures to improve animal welfare and introduced paperwork designed to better record horse movements.
McGauran, however, makes little attempt to hide his contempt for organisations such as CPR saying "it's unlikely that animal welfare extremists will ever recognise our efforts".
"So long as we gain an income from the use of animals they will always be critical because their core belief is that animals should not be utilised as all. In their eyes horses should be free roaming and grazing," McGauran said. "The only concession I will make to CPR is that they have spurred us to scientifically gather the data for the community's benefit."
For its part, CPR again gained media attention at the start of this year's spring carnival when they erected a billboard that asked, "Is the party really worth it?", alongside a picture of a horse that had died during a jumps race. It was provocative, but perhaps necessary if its argument is to ultimately win air time against an industry that dominates the airways with promotions for race meetings, corporate bookies and high-end fashion houses.
Campaign director Elio Celotto toned down the message last week, conceding that, with 13,000 to 15,000 foals surviving birth each year, it was not possible to save them all.
"We acknowledge that we're not going to find homes for every single racehorse but that should be our ultimate aim," Celotto said.
"Let's not argue about whether we should find homes for 100 percent of them, or 90 percent or 70 percent, let's start a program where we give every single horse an opportunity to be rehabilitated or restrained."
Community expectations about animal welfare have significantly shifted during the past couple of decades, but it's obvious racing is here to stay. It simply holds too large a slice of the economy, so a middle ground must be found between the racing community and animal rights activists where the horses' welfare is paramount.
There must be more effort made to ensure that horses do not end up like the animals we saw in that 2012 video - standing in metal pens staring down the barrel of a gun. It is also in the industry's interest to ensure that it is seen to have done everything in its power to protect the animals entrusted to it and be transparent with the public about some of the harsher realities of the industry.
It might just give a sensitive eight-year-old child less reason to cry about the fate of a horse this Melbourne Cup week.
